the Father I always had (part 5)...
5:35 AM | 
Posted by
Mark Ashby
This week, I have been brave. I have revealed a lot about myself that a lot of the world doesn't know. I am a pretty personal kind of guy, and I like my privacy. However, thinking of the blog and how I could possibly reach people with the message of love and hope from Christ, I thought of this blog series.
You see, when I began this, it seem to have come out as a hate fest for my father. All I did was expose his sin and none of mine. I shared how he failed me as a parent on more than one occasion. Here is a news flash that's not really new news to anyone: I have sinned too. I failed my father as a son MANY times. I let my parents down. I tried to get away with more stuff and I did! I was no angel, but I did not want to make it appear that way.
Throughout my 26 years of existence, I did many things to bring shame to my father, but he showed me unconditional love. Tough love at times, but still showed me love. He did raise me right, at times. He was not perfect, nor am I; yet, I put him on this trophy shelf and walked around depending on him and him alone at times.
Friends and people who read this blog, this is the biggest mistake we can ever make. I have learned through ALL of these experiences, and many more that I didn't feel were necessary to tell, that we can't lean on our own understanding. In my eyes, my dad had it ALL figured out. He was married, well respected, knew lots of people and helped all those who needed it. He has helped me more times than I can count.
I love my father that raised me. Failures and successes in his parenting, but I don't love the person he has become once the spot light was shown on him. Like I described yesterday, I was in a hole that I never thought I would come out of. There is only one reason I came out of it. I faced the sin in my life, faced the situation before me, and grab and hold onto the hand of God so that He can bring me out.
I always talked about faith, and I know that God blessed me many times, but I have never leaned my entire life on Him before. I always tried to yield some control back to me. I wanted to choose my path in life. And it led me to the pit. God saved me when I was 17 and became a believer, God rescued me at 25 when I fell into a dark hole that I never thought I would come out of.
I went through much therapy and Christian Counseling for my problems. Finally, God brought me out of it. I have a past and I have acknowledged my sin. I leaned on Christ. I finally realized that, through my failings, my fathers failings, there is a world of sin out there and MANY need to be saved and loved back to Christ. My father is one of those people. I am one of those people.
I can't sit here on my soapbox and act perfect while blaming my father for all my mistakes, because it isn't his fault! He made plenty, but so have I. Whoever reads this blog, I want you to get one thing; that NO MATTER WHAT we MUST lean on Christ with our whole being. In NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM can we do ANYTHING ELSE BUT LEAN ON HIM!
I have a renewed passion for Christ. I am a hypocrite, how I got there, why I left there, why I went back is the story of my life, but it's not the whole story. I am a sinner. How I got there, why I left there, why I went back is the story of my life; But it's not the whole story.
The story of my life is still being written until my last breath, but I want those who read this blog to be encouraged. Life is not always a bed of roses, because if you were on a bed of roses think of all the thorns that my stick in your back and legs! We all have our mistakes, our shames, our dark secrets that we don't want people to know. I have shared a few this week but it was through prayer that this all came together. Christ has really shown me how to fully depend on Him. When I heard people say it, I would say it's a great idea but it's not possible. I am here to tell you it is! Don't let our lives get down to the pit. I had my Job experience. I praise God even today for bringing me out of the pit. It is a daily battle with Satan and His onslaught of attacks, but with Christ's help and protection, I am secure.
I really hope, through the darkness of my life, that you can see and read through the words the love of Christ. The reason for my blog series was to show my vulnerability but to know that God has already covered it up and threw it as far as the east is from the west. I have learned that I can't fix my father, but it's also not my job too. I pray for him and his new wife almost every day. It is hard to, but with God listening to me and sitting there with me, I do it. Love God. Love others to God.
You see, when I began this, it seem to have come out as a hate fest for my father. All I did was expose his sin and none of mine. I shared how he failed me as a parent on more than one occasion. Here is a news flash that's not really new news to anyone: I have sinned too. I failed my father as a son MANY times. I let my parents down. I tried to get away with more stuff and I did! I was no angel, but I did not want to make it appear that way.
Throughout my 26 years of existence, I did many things to bring shame to my father, but he showed me unconditional love. Tough love at times, but still showed me love. He did raise me right, at times. He was not perfect, nor am I; yet, I put him on this trophy shelf and walked around depending on him and him alone at times.
Friends and people who read this blog, this is the biggest mistake we can ever make. I have learned through ALL of these experiences, and many more that I didn't feel were necessary to tell, that we can't lean on our own understanding. In my eyes, my dad had it ALL figured out. He was married, well respected, knew lots of people and helped all those who needed it. He has helped me more times than I can count.
I love my father that raised me. Failures and successes in his parenting, but I don't love the person he has become once the spot light was shown on him. Like I described yesterday, I was in a hole that I never thought I would come out of. There is only one reason I came out of it. I faced the sin in my life, faced the situation before me, and grab and hold onto the hand of God so that He can bring me out.
I always talked about faith, and I know that God blessed me many times, but I have never leaned my entire life on Him before. I always tried to yield some control back to me. I wanted to choose my path in life. And it led me to the pit. God saved me when I was 17 and became a believer, God rescued me at 25 when I fell into a dark hole that I never thought I would come out of.
I went through much therapy and Christian Counseling for my problems. Finally, God brought me out of it. I have a past and I have acknowledged my sin. I leaned on Christ. I finally realized that, through my failings, my fathers failings, there is a world of sin out there and MANY need to be saved and loved back to Christ. My father is one of those people. I am one of those people.
I can't sit here on my soapbox and act perfect while blaming my father for all my mistakes, because it isn't his fault! He made plenty, but so have I. Whoever reads this blog, I want you to get one thing; that NO MATTER WHAT we MUST lean on Christ with our whole being. In NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM can we do ANYTHING ELSE BUT LEAN ON HIM!
I have a renewed passion for Christ. I am a hypocrite, how I got there, why I left there, why I went back is the story of my life, but it's not the whole story. I am a sinner. How I got there, why I left there, why I went back is the story of my life; But it's not the whole story.
The story of my life is still being written until my last breath, but I want those who read this blog to be encouraged. Life is not always a bed of roses, because if you were on a bed of roses think of all the thorns that my stick in your back and legs! We all have our mistakes, our shames, our dark secrets that we don't want people to know. I have shared a few this week but it was through prayer that this all came together. Christ has really shown me how to fully depend on Him. When I heard people say it, I would say it's a great idea but it's not possible. I am here to tell you it is! Don't let our lives get down to the pit. I had my Job experience. I praise God even today for bringing me out of the pit. It is a daily battle with Satan and His onslaught of attacks, but with Christ's help and protection, I am secure.
I really hope, through the darkness of my life, that you can see and read through the words the love of Christ. The reason for my blog series was to show my vulnerability but to know that God has already covered it up and threw it as far as the east is from the west. I have learned that I can't fix my father, but it's also not my job too. I pray for him and his new wife almost every day. It is hard to, but with God listening to me and sitting there with me, I do it. Love God. Love others to God.
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