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For those who don't know, I am writing about my father who was present in my life, supported me through my ups and downs of life, and was there for me when I needed him. This sounds like a great life. As I said in my prior post, my father was a person who was well respected in the community we lived in. People looked up to him and because of his reputation, I was respected around the community as well.

I know my posts this week can seem like I am throwing a pity party, and most of you are wondering what this has to do student ministry. I promise there is a catch to this, and it all leads to my last post. However, I will share another personal and dark time in my life where my father, though present, was NOT what I believe a father should be.

It was my senior year in high school. At this time in my life, I had turned my life over to Christ. I became a believer on November 22, 2002 on a Chrysalis retreat. For those that aren't sure what that is, it is a retreat sponsored by the Methodist Church that is for teens to get out of their comfort zone and to really challenge them internally for a spiritual revival. Christ did a work in me on that week. In fact, I told people that I was going to "spread a wild fire of Christ". I wasn't that articulate at 17.

At the tail end of my senior year, I started dating a wonderful Christian girl. She was pure. She was beautiful. I had won the Christian lottery! This relationship lasted 2 1/2 years. She was my first love.

About 1 year into my relationship, I was back from college for the Christmas break. My father and I had a tradition that we would go to IHOP every Sunday morning before church. It was our thing. This is where my dad and I got to grow. Now I was more of an adult and I had a chance to REALLY get to know my father. However, I had no clue who my father was. I will share that story later. Let's stay on task.

One Sunday morning, my father and I wake up early and we decide to continue our tradition and go to IHOP. We go and my father and I are talking about school and he is sharing stories with me about his time in college. I was really bonding with my father on a personal level.

Let me take a step back and clarify something. My father and I were never close until I was an adult. He and I NEVER had anything in common. I was always lazy and excelled only at things I had interest in. Academia was never one of those interests. I have always been more interested in people and relationships. Which is where I pick back up in the story.

The conversation over Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity (minus the fruity) moved from school to my relationship with my then girlfriend. I was telling him plans I had of us marrying and our ideas of where our relationship was going and how I felt God was blessing us beyond all belief! My dad put his fork down, leaned back and crossed his arms. After all of my going on about my great relationship, he asked if I was finished. I told him I was and this is where it turned awkward.

My father began to ask my questions in the sexual nature about my girlfriend. He was asking me how far my girlfriend and I had gone. He began to then coach me on how to get her to go further and said that if she did not put out, that it was not worth pursuing.

Needless to say, I was shocked. I had the sex talk when I was younger. I knew what their was to know, but having my father tell me this was a punch to the gut. He told me that he didn't care for her because she wasn't "caring" for me. He continued to coach me and as his son, I didn't know what to say or do. I didn't have the right to correct my father. So I sat and listened.

My father is a person who a liar, a cheater, a thief, and in complete denial about his own life and his past that led him to where he is today. I am blessed to even have a father. Some people would kill to have any kind of male figure to be in their life. For me, it was not just that he was there, but it would be about 7 years from this conversation that I would really find out the man that my father was.

The scary thing is, that at times I see myself acting like my father. Whenever he wanted something, he would find ways to get it. Whenever people needed help, he would find a way to help. I learned a lot from my father during my years that we talked, and subconsciously I picked up a lot of his manipulative and sociopathic methods. If I didn't have the reality slap that was heard around my family and home community, I would not be the husband and future father that I am.

However, the connection here is that I have found solace in the one Father that changed my life in November of 2002. The 17 year old that was then is now a man of God and integrity who stills falls short of glory but has accepted and lives in the grace that is offered to me.

Tomorrow I explain the deepest pain I have ever known and was the downfall of my life with my father. This is where our relationship flat lined.