crash...

Yesterday, my world came crashing down upon me. Without saying any details, the whole image I had of my life and other areas of my life came to a screeching halt.

I am numb. I guess this is how it feels when you have that surreal feeling in you. You just don't know what to do, don't know what to say, you have cried all you can, you can't feel anything anymore. I am depressed, sad, mad, angry, furious, upset, devastated. All the emotions run together. I am numb.

Yesterday, as I sat in my office, I yelled and cried and begged for my life not to change. I sat there in my office chair, broken. I never thought this would happen to me. I never thought that my life would come to such a dramatic halt.

The clouds are grey today. This is very fitting for how I feel. People have been deceived by the evil one. It is time for prayer. It is time for a violent prayer. Times when we know we are going through hard troubles in our lives, people have the tendency to either rely or deny God. I was surrounded by people who love me yesterday. I saw the love of God in so many people. Prayers are being said. God is listening.

The only thing God can do at this point is soften hearts and intervene in lives. Sometimes the shock value wears off. I will not let this rest. This battle that I am about to face, with those closest to me, will be the biggest battle I have ever been in. My life is about to be a full vessel for God to use.

I spoke a lot out of anger yesterday. I was caught off guard. After speaking with many people about my new found situation, the thing I can do now is talk to God personally. I believe for a little bit of time yesterday, I shunned God. How could I do such a thing? How can I turn on the one thing that is now the most constant thing in my life? I had a friend share this verse with me...

Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)

18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

What a special blessing that is. God is near me. He heals and saves my crushed spirit. I will never stop learning about the grace and sufficient love of God. He heals me in ways I can never understand.

My God loves me so much. My God loves all. He died for all so that we can open a relationship with Him on a personal level. I trust in God. He has never let me down.

My plea to those who read this blog is simple. We go through hard times. We go through hard trials in our lives. God really tests us and our faith. We question God. Many times in our lives, with our sin, we turn our back on God. God will always be there with open arms. God loves on all. He has experienced what we have been through. He knows our pains, He hears our cries. Love on God and love those who don't know God. We all fall from our paths God has laid out for us. God can be there to help us back on the path.

The Evil One likes to take and deceive those who love God. People have been deceived and it is time to call the evil one out. Even in the darkest room, a light will always shine through the darkness.

Prayer:

Abba. Light of the world. You shine through the darkness. The evil one knows who you are and runs at the sight or even the sound of your voice. Bless me father. Be with those who is being deceived. God we depend on you in times of trials and tribulation. We sometimes forget to bless you in the good times as well. Our priorities get out of focus and we lose our balance on the path that you have laid for us. Jesus, I know that the veil was torn. You did this so we can come straight to you. Heal the hardened heart. Bless the broken heart. Save us from the muck. As we lay here, dirty sinners, your grace makes us new and clean. Have favor upon us, Lord. Be with us. Even the man on the thief on the cross asked for forgiveness. You said to him, today you will be with me in paradise. Father, when I hear these words, and the words of the Psalmist, I know that you comfort my heart. Take this anger and aggression away from me. Help me lean on your understanding and not my own, for I have no understanding in this situation. God my life came to a screeching halt yesterday. We are fearfully and wonderfully made in your image. Your fingerprint is in each of us. Sometimes it takes a ship wreck to learn where we have gone wrong. The ship wreck has happened and now it is time to save the broken. Lord I am yours. use me and love me. Love those who need it most and help me be a vessel for you and your love to pour through onto the hardened heart. I love you God.

Amen.



1 comments:

Chuck Graham said...

Dana Abernathy passed along your blog site. Please know that we are praying for you and everyone in your family. It's a very tough time. My prayer for you is that the power of Christ will be evident through you to a hurting family and in ways you could never have guessed. It is in the most difficult times that Jesus' new command to Love one another and Paul's instruction to encourage one another as long as it is called Today have the deepest meaning and greatest power. And it is always the hardest with those who are closest to us. May love and encouragement be the light others see in you as you and your family walk through this valley together.

Take care & be God's,

Chuck Graham
www.Ciloa.org

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